Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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