I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
