Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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