Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
