Don't make out with my wife yet
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
a search helicopter?!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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