There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
