The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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