My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize