I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
