I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
