So drunk its hurt
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
