I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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