$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
