Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
