my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
