I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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