At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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