Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This baby is an asshole
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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