Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
