Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
