billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
