Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
