Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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