I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
