somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize