sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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