Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
