i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
