even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
