blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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