Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize