no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
