I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
