would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
pop tarts are not kleenex
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
