Can Purell be used as lube?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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