A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
