he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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