i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
