I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
