Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
where am i from again
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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