Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
