I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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