just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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