It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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