A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
