im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
