ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
