His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize