Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
