PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
