I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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