..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
