Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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