I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
