there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
