He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
