remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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