Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
