i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
