When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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