I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
