you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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