Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I understand Curling. That high.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
