i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
