I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
