She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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