Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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