He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
