so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
