he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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