I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
