just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
50% drunk capacity currently
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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