My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
