I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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