Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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