I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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