i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
