she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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